Saturday, February 9, 2013

Resolution Reflections: My New Fear

“When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do want to, you can't stop them.”
- Andy Warhol
Andy Warhol in His Own Words 


After my former boss shared the above quote at a farewell party in her honour, my heart sunk. She put words to what I feel deeply everyday, to why I write this blog, and to what changed after my diagnosis. I briefly touched on this topic in my post Why Resolve, but that offered more of a rationale for how I want this blog to shape my life choices. The fear that resides deep beneath this blog, deep within me, was articulated by Andy Warhol best...

What if I die before I change? 

If there's anything I've learned in my young life, it's that I won't be ready to go when the time comes. It will likely be a surprise, something I hadn't planned for, and it's possible that I won't have 'changed', in whatever way I wanted to, before then. To reword my fear and get a little closer to the heart of the matter....

What if my fear of changing paralyzes me into stasis... forever?

Considering the first part of the Andy's comment, that people will only change when they're ready, it would be impossible to ask myself to commit to any kind of change, especially if it was motivated by fear. So, there's only one question left to ask myself...

What is so terrifying about staying the same? 

A-ha. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

4 comments:

  1. Very thought-provoking post Stephanie! If only we could stay the same. Life has other plans. Life is about change, adapting, growth, fear, success...change, change, change...learning as we change. Thanks for this blog post.

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    1. Hi Gary! Thanks... and you're right, I just have to figure out how to plan for change.... :)

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  2. Thanks for highlighting this ultimate existential human dilemma! Can I offer this angle? Maybe it's not a choice between change/no change because... we are all always changing whether we wish it or not...and it's really about the direction you choose? And when you choose it. And that will be the perfect time.

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    1. I think you just gave me the perspective I need for the follow-up post. As always, thank you Marilyn :D

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