Saturday, January 5, 2013

#102: Make Non-Cancer Resolutions

100 Resolutions started as as a way for me to complete all the things I couldn't while I was in treatment. Every resolution was borne out of the envy, incapacity, boredom, isolation and loneliness forced upon me by cancer treatment. In the two years it took me to complete those resolutions, a lot changed. I don't "live everyday as a cancer survivor". In fact some days, I don't feel like a cancer survivor at all. I just feel like me.

I have to remind myself that 'feeling like me' is exactly what I hoped for, planned for, and worked toward throughout treatment. I treasured moments of blatant normalcy, as if each was some transcendent sign to remind me what basic goal I was working toward. I never dreamed of blogging about cancer, becoming an activist-survivor, writing about my experience, or any of the other happy consequences that have followed my diagnosis and treatment. I just wanted to be finished treatment so I could whine about my commute, feel exhausted after a hard day's work, spend my Saturday afternoons napping and maybe sometimes enjoy some good food or drink when the occasion called for it.

My goal was always to survive cancer simply so I could live as mundanely as possible.

Two years after treatment, I'm damn close to that simple goal. Work stresses me out, Saturdays are delightfully boring, and I am able to enjoy food and drink without complication (to my waistline's chagrin). For all intents and purposes, I've succeeded. I am an average 28-year-old who happens to have survived cancer.

As such, my Resolutions will expand to include the goals of an 'average' 28-year-old. You may soon be reading about my commitment to "limiting waste" or "cutting out chocolate for a month" and perhaps "to start sewing". Please remember, these goals are all part of a life that was made possible because of the envy, incapacity, boredom, isolation and loneliness of cancer treatment.

My hard work is paying off in mediocrity! And so too, will my Resolutions.    

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