Sunday, December 16, 2012

#2: WRITE.

My last post on Trauma and Identity is a perfect segue to my 100th resolution. I concluded my reflection on traumatic experiences and identity by stating, "Perhaps the shining, defining moments in my history won't be the traumatic experiences, but the life I led as a result of them". That leaves me with one burning question: what kind of life do I want to lead as a result of my experience?

Fortunately,, I just finished reading Christopher Hitchens' Mortality, an eloquent and transcendent account of Hitchens' cancer diagnosis and treatment, right up until his death one year ago. Hitchens' powerful perspective and beautifully constructed sentences reminded me that I have always known the answer. I need and have to write.

That's not an exaggeration. I have always had the urge to write, written in my free time, and I have been inspired and motivated to write better by beautiful writing. Since my cancer diagnosis, that urge, time commitment and inspiration has increased. I have never felt more motivated, nay, required, to write as I have since my diagnosis, treatment and remission. 

I sighed with relief when Hitchens' put words to my beliefs: "To the dumb question 'why me?' the cosmos barely bothers to return in reply: why not?" I share Hitchens' view that looking outward for comprehension and purpose is futile. I am the only person who can create meaning from my experiences. It is my responsibility to know why, and live a life that is faithful to the answer.

So, why me? Because I am committed to sharing, storytelling, and writing. I will dedicate myself to writing better and writing constantly. I will read beautiful writing by individuals like Hitchens, who have made the same dedication. I will keep posting to 100 Resolutions after this 100th resolution, and maybe someday... Write a book. 

I hope you've enjoyed what I've written up until now, and continue to enjoy it past this milestone. It's important for me to have a captive audience, but it's not the only marker for success. Successful writing for me will be about achieving a deeper understanding of my purpose and never stop searching for an answer to that eternal question that burns in all of us, 'why'?

1 comment:

  1. Steph, I'm so proud of you. I know it sounds cliche, and many people will tell you something similar, but I know first hand much courage it takes to be this transparent, and share your thoughts and fears about such an intimate experience. I look forward to reading more from you, in whatever form your talent takes.

    Big love, Carolyn