My symptoms corrupted me. Have you ever had trouble breathing or terrible back and shoulder pain? Who hasn't? But two years ago, what could have easily been terrible asthma and a strained muscle turned out to be cancer. Never again will I have a symptom that doesn't terrify me, bring back painful memories of my diagnosis, and remind me that I am in no way, shape or form normal.
I long for the days when every symptom I have didn't freak me out. Sure, I've lamented over my lengthy diagnosis process in the past, but eventually, I was diagnosed . If anything, not knowing what lay on the other side helped me maintain my sanity throughout my initial diagnosis. Now, every symptom I experience is accompanied by fear, anxiety, frustration, anger and often depression. I will never again investigate a symptom as calmly as I did the first time.
While knowledge is my curse, it's also my reassurance. I know who my enemy is and I know that I've beat him once already. Luckily for me, symptoms are also an intricate warning system that lets me know when the enemy is near.