Sunday, July 22, 2012

#11: Ignorance is Bliss

My symptoms corrupted me. Have you ever had trouble breathing or terrible back and shoulder pain? Who hasn't? But two years ago, what could have easily been terrible asthma and a strained muscle turned out to be cancer. Never again will I have a symptom that doesn't terrify me, bring back painful memories of my diagnosis, and remind me that I am in no way, shape or form normal.

I long for the days when every symptom I have didn't freak me out. Sure, I've lamented over my lengthy diagnosis process in the past, but eventually, I was diagnosed . If anything, not knowing what lay on the other side helped me maintain my sanity throughout my initial diagnosis. Now, every symptom I experience is accompanied by fear, anxiety, frustration, anger and often depression. I will never again investigate a symptom as calmly as I did the first time.

While knowledge is my curse, it's also my reassurance. I know who my enemy is and I know that I've beat him once already. Luckily for me, symptoms are also an intricate warning system that lets me know when the enemy is near.

1 comment:

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