Wednesday, May 18, 2011

#57: Complain About How Bad Your Day Was

Toward the end of treatment, I remember lamenting to my boyfriend about my 20lb weight gain. I didn't fit into any of the clothes I purchased to accommodate my pre-diagnosis rapid weight loss (which I only now realize was caused by cancer), and noticed for the first time how much my body had changed. Mike remarked to me, "Well, the fact that you're even talking about this is a sign to me that you must be getting better!"

He was right. The fact that I was worrying about something superficial as my physical appearance at a time when my energy could have been put to better use by focusing on recovering from my treatments was an obvious sign that my frame of mind was shifting back to those of your average individual.

I remember going to see the one-man show Cancer Can't Dance Like This, and almost cheering when Dan Stolfi expressed his exasperation at his friend for complaining to him - the cancer patient - about 'what a bad day he had'. I had a few, similar personal references, where a friend would come to me with her run-of-the-mill dilemmas and expect sympathy from the person undergoing grueling, life-saving chemotherapy treatments!

But, alas, life (and karma) comes full circle. Today, only 7 weeks after my last radiation treatment, I had a bad day.

Like my boyfriend said, however, this simple complaint is probably an indication my health is continuing to improve. Not once today did I worry about contracting an infection, I didn't have to wait 4 hours at the hospital, relapsing was far from my mind, and I was able to stand on my feet almost all day. It was your average, run-of-the-mill crappy day.

On the good days, I love being back at work and back out in the 'real world'. But on days like today, I remind myself how grateful I am to be able to dwell on life's daily monotonies, and that survival and health are no longer daily concerns.

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